Saturday, 31 July 2010

In these days of austerity......

Cost of keeping a Prison inmate - £40,000.
Cost of a Prison inmate getting his throat slashed - £100,000.
Cost of buying big Barry on D-Wing a decent set of Kitchen Devils - Priceless

(or £20 in Argos).

Unbelievable....... oh, actually (in today's Wonderfully Great Britain) it's not.

Riddle me this.......

I am not allowed by Law to protect myself.
If I am found to be carrying a Gun or Knife by the Police, I would be arrested.
I've been advised in the past that I should keep a ball next to the Baseball bat that I have, as on it's own the Bat can be regarded by the Police as an offensive weapon!
If I put broken glass on my garden wall to stop people stealing my patio furniture, I could be arrested!
I once knew someone who was charged with GBH for punching a man (who attacked his mate & girlfriend) just once in the face. The reason the Police tried to charge him with GBH? He was a black belt in Karate and an accomplished Kick Boxer, so in the Police's view his hands were offensive weapons - I shit you not!! (he eventually got  charged with common assault).

Anyway the point is; we are not allowed to defend ourselves, so that means it's upto the Police to do it for us. So if they fail, we can sue thier arses off, yeah?.......


So to be clear; if someone comes up to me and slashes my throat I cannot sue the Police for not protecting me......

Can anyone please explain then, why a fucking mudering cunt of a paedophile is being allowed to sue the Prison service for not protecting him?!!

Tuesday, 27 July 2010


Met Commissioner: "I cannot guarantee photography guidelines will be rightly interpreted"

The Metropolitan Police Commissioner Sir Paul Stephenson has reaffirmed street photography rights at a Metropolitan Police Authority Committee meeting last week, but was unable to guarantee that all police officers would interpret the law in the right way.

Okay, then Mr Stephenson. I'm afraid that I cannot guarantee that I will correctly interpret the law and therefore cannot be held accountable for my actions - just like your dickhead Officers...... 


Tuesday, 20 July 2010


I believe that there are certain situations where it should be legal to punch someone squarely in the face.
Here is one such situation......

During my long sentence in supermarkets (punishment for fucking around in school), there were many things that pissed me off...... usually to do with retarded customers.

The one thing that regularly yanked my chain occured at the milk section.

When it comes to shopping for food & drink there are certain brands/flavours that you will always buy; no matter what. For example, I always buy Pepsi. I'm not exactly sure why, but given a choice I will always go for Pepsi. It is extremely rare to see me buying/drinking Coca Cola.
 Some of these specific preferences can be based on influences from our parents, childhood, friends, advertising or; are quite simply down to persoanl taste.
I've always thought that milk is one of those things that people have a specific preference for. When you ask someone what milk they buy 99% of the time they will give you one variety. For me it's whole milk. Always has been. When I go shopping for milk I go straight to the blue top bottles and grab what I need.
Which is why I don't understand, WHY do people have to spend ages staring at the milk section? There are 3 fucking choices. Red. Green. Blue.
I bet you've drank the same milk for nearly all your life, but still you have to spend 2 minutes staring at the milk section TRYING TO FUCKING DECIDE!!

Thank you.

Saturday, 17 July 2010

A poem.... of sorts....

So, this week at work I've received (from colleagues) the same email several times purporting to be a poem written by a cancer sufferer, with the usual "pass this on and each time you do £1 will go to cancer research, blah, blah...... I'm sure you know, as well as I do, that nearly all these emails are spammy, scammy crap.
 I did question wether the twats sending these emails should be disciplined under the Company's email policy for sending spam. I was told I was being 'tight' and it was 'okay'. However, when I suggested that I may start sending pornographic pictures out and claiming they were taken by a cancer sufferer, I was told I'd probably be sacked - fucking double standards!!
Anyway, this all got me to thinking about writing a poem. Quite frankly, I couldn't be arsed, so here's a little something that I wrote earlier........ about 20 years earlier as a protest against having to write poems (the idea being that I would write something so fucked up that I wouldn't be asked to write a poem again!!)

Sea of Eternal Sleep

I lie awake and dream.
A sea of darkness creeps over my body.
Waves of black slumber wash into my head
flooding my mind with cold fatigue.

I float out into vast emptiness.
I look back to see myself,
lying on the sands of reality; except it's not me.
It's not me anymore, it's just a shell.
A shell completely vacuous.
Frozen by death's touch.

My shell is surrendured to the earth,
presented in a simple wooden box.
Friends grieve and say goodbye
I'll see them soon. Not in this world
but in the next.
I hope they're not late!

People dressed in black stand along the shore.
They cry and I myself begin to cry.
But I cry tears of joy and relief,
for I have been set free, from my empty,
hopeless, dreamless life;
where happiness was welcome, but never came.

I now travel to my new world.
It's called Hell, but I shall call it Heaven.
This world yields dark hopes and evil dreams.
Happiness will still be welcome
and I'm sure it will come.
Black and cold, but it will come.

I lie awake and dream.
(My tears of joy and relief have passed)
Waiting to reach the place
which will be my new home.
A place which can only be reached on-
the Sea of Eternal Sleep

Unsurprisingly it didn't work.

Pass this on to all your friends and £1 will be donated each time to the Angry Ginger Monkey Charity.......

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Bliar's Liebour Govt. told porky pies........

Iraq inquiry: Government ‘intentionally and substantially’ exaggerated WMD threat
Tony Blair’s government ‘intentionally and substantially’ exaggerated the threat from Saddam Hussein ahead of the war in Iraq, a former senior British diplomat has claimed.

Mr Carne, who served at the UN between 1997 and 2002, claimed that the British and United States governments were fully aware that there was no “substantial threat” from Iraq ahead of the war.

"At no point did we have any firm evidence, from intelligence sources or otherwise, of significant weapons holdings."

And in other news;
The Pope admits that he "shits in the woods"
David Attenborough confirms that "bears wear hats"

Sunday, 4 July 2010


Um....oh yes.......I'm a vampire your Honor...... Don't know nothing 'bout stalking.......

Friday, 2 July 2010


Dear Cunt, who hit my car yesterday.





Related Posts with Thumbnails