Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Pervert jailed over slurry fetish

Missed this one - God knows how!
Not Much more I can add to this, so I'll just give you the story in full......

A PERVERT who gets a sexual kick out of slurry has been jailed for breaching a restraining order banning him from a farm where he indulges his fetish.

David Truscott, of Close Hill, Redruth, was jailed in September after climbing into a muck spreader vehicle at a farm in Redruth. He was found in slurry and jailed for 16 weeks at Truro Crown Court. The 40-year-old was released in mid October.
A spokesman for Devon and Cornwall police yesterday confirmed Truscott had been re-arrested in the early hours of November 9 when he was found by police sitting in manure at the same farm. He is understood to have told police he went to the farm with a view to rolling around in a muck spreader. He was seen by the farmer who called in police and Truscott was arrested at 5.10am.
He was charged with breaching the terms of a restraining order imposed by Truro Crown Court in September and jailed for 20 weeks.
A police spokesman said it was an extremely rare crime and police were doing everything they could to deal with the repeat offender.
"This is a very unusual type of crime and we appreciate it's going on for so long is very frustrating for the family concerned," he said.
Truscott was jailed for three years in 2005 after admitting causing three fires at the same farm the previous year.
The first fire destroyed a barn and bailer causing £3,300 of damage. Two months later there was a second fire in another barn. Although only £50 of damage was caused to the barn, a cow valued at £800 died from effects of smoke inhalation. The third fire occurred on a tractor in another barn but little damage was caused.

The court heard Truscott led a lonely, isolated existence and had peculiar habits. He was said to be a man of low intelligence who had committed arson out of frustration when he could not indulge his fetish for manure.



Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Global warming - My Arse!!

Global warming..... where?!
It's fucking freezing here. My boiler has frozen up twice in the last 3 weeks!!

This has been the view from my window since Saturday Morning:

But, apparently, according to the 10 minutes of research that I've done, more snowfall and colder winters is consistent with Global warming...... but not in the way that you would think......

"If it wasn't for global warming this cold snap would happen much more regularly. What is interesting is that we are now surprised by this kind of weather. I doubt we would have been in the 1950s because it was much more common".

Yes, apparently, because cold snaps/snow now happen less often, when it does happen, we are all so surprised that we believe it to be worse than it really is....

A study by the Met Office which went back 350 years shows that such extreme weather now only occurs every 20 years.

Really, according to my recent memory we had snow - down yer in North Cornwall - (proper snow that you can actually build snowman people with) 4 times in the last 10 years - I can only remember it snowing twice in the 90s!!

Also, the last 2 summers have been a fucking washout!!

Global warming = BOLLOCKS!!

Monday, 4 January 2010

What the Fuck has happened to Top gear?!

Watching last nights show I couldn't help but feel that Top Gear is finished. It has, in the last year, become a boring, predictable parody of itself. This is especially evident in the challenges and so-called specials with all 3 presenters now 'acting up' to their on-screen personas.
For example; The Borneo special was fucking shit cause it was so predictable. Why? Because it's all scripted around the presenters and every one now follows the same theme....
Clarkson, the petrol head, gets the biggest,gas-guzzling, seemingly worthless piece of crap. Doesn't take things seriously. Spouts alot of Caveman-esque, chauvanistic quotes and does alot better than the condition of his vehicle would suggest.
Hammond, the ponce, gets the most 'feminine' and/or obvious vehicle and screams and screeches his way to the end, usually teaming up with Clarkson to play some hilarious(!) pratical joke on May on the way.
May, Cpt Slow, picks the most mundane vehicle and gives us the full stats on vehicles/challenges, rants at Clarkson/Hammond's lack of respect/seriousness for the challenges/vehicles and says 'cock' alot.

 Also, it's a car show but you hardly get to see any of the cars anymore! I end up with fucking motion sickness due to the editing and special effects - does the producer/editor of this show have ADHD or something?

Last nights show was absolutely  fucking awful.
Hammond crashing into xmas tree - yawn......
I had to look up the Lexus LFA online this morning to see what it actually looked like cause I couldn't see it through all the stupid (manga style?) effects!..... and Hammond's constant girly screeching......*grinds teeth*.
Clarksons piece on the BMW x6 was obviously supposed to be funny, but wasn't!! and so predictable given the set-up they gave it - We have no money in the budget....so lets go to Australia to see if the glove box works - oh, absolute comedy f u c k i n g genius!!
May - Cpt Slow - again, predictable - other than the road sign lady which was obviously the most interesting part of the piece seeing as I can't even remember what car he was reviewing (Vauxhall?).
Even the Top Gear awards were boring - "Stig, give me the cock back" - yawn
The only light at the end of this tunnel is the star in a reasonably priced car - Why? Because it's the only part of the show which isn't scripted around the 3 presenters (hilarious!?!) personas and actually just shows someone (in a normal edited film) driving a car - Isn't that what a 'car' show should be about?
Please BBC, sort it out or just fucking scrap it.......

Sunday, 3 January 2010

2009 - according to my Facebook Status

My review of 2009 - according to my Facebook status.....

Found out that Pro-Plus really does work, loved the Panto in Plymouth, found out that my Audi's tyres were magnetic and discovered how they manage to get people to stay in Lanstephen - they don't grit the fucking roads!!

Couldn't build a Snowman :-(  Got the new Prodigy album. Wondered what the hell you can do when asked to do one thing, but expected to do the opposite. Lost house keys, wrote an alternative version of Postman Pat, WASN'T up a Pylon at Exeter Race Course dressed as Mr Incredible and couldn't believe that thousands of women only realised Cancer was a serious disease, cause Jade fucking Goody had it!!

Wanted you to 'Show me the Monkey'. Decided it would be a good idea to edit my CV having only had 3hrs sleep in 35 hours and promptly lost the whole bloody thing. Discovered Twinings Everyday Tea is sooooo much better than PG, spat out 'said' Tea upon reading that Jade Goody may be immortilised in a statue and got philisophical; "Nature’s constantly screaming with all its shapes and scents: love each other! Love each other! Do as the flowers. There’s only love".........

Started fucking around on Twitter. Wondered wether a few cats should be let out of the bag......they weren't, but chaos reined anyway! Ipod packed up (why, God?!... why not the toaster or hoover? why choose the Ipod?!!) then I fixed it (why, God?!... why couldn't it stay broken? how can I convince my inner-scrooge to get a bigger & better one now?!!) Won £15 on the National, set a record of 9(tonnes) cooks of Custard (still unbeaten!). Had weather issues...... Thanked God for GPS & track-logs after getting stuck on Bodmin Moor. Let a few cats out.... "So, I've started it now so I might aswell finish. But, in the end, the answer will probably be 'NO', or maybe even 'go f**k urself'..... who knows?!"..... started wearing shin pads to work, discovered that everyone rises to their level of incompetence and wondered if Kermit was getting worried?

Some fucking scum tried to put a rock through my window and because I wasn't from an ethnic minority or claiming benefits the Police did fuck all about it. Worried about Hamthrax, fell out with BT, unknowingly walked out of Cinema in Plymouth with popcorn stuck all over my ass thanks to my daughter's idea of a joke. Audi stiffed me £70 for a new battery (nearly went Basil Fawlty on it!). Got severely fucked off with Dan the Fiat salesman, but in the end by being such a fucking useless cunt, he did me a favour and I wondered..... 'if a fat kid falls over in the woods and no-one is around to see it......do the trees laugh?'

Got back on my bike, and pissed off with green avatars. Upset some knobber on youtube after I slagged off someone's dreadful version of a Kate Bush song.... watched ladies tennis with the volume down incase the neighbours thought I was watching Lesbian Porn, fell in love with Lady Ga Ga at Glastonbury, Audi gave me it's final '2 fingers' after the alternator packed up and tried to buy Jacko's computer on ebay, but was outbid by Gary Glitter.

Considered a new career (based on the 'Dog Whisperer') as the 'Cat Kicker'. Compared work to "the Funhouse, but without Pat Sharp or the cheerleading twins...... or the games..... or the go karts..... or the prizes....... or the fun...... or the house....." Got pissed off with finding out what 'Badass animal' everyone was and dumbass tourists in Newquay and discovered the first case of Misanthropy was probably diagnosed after a shopping trip to Tesco during the Summer Hols.

Spent the first week being told that most of what I was saying was 'gay' and being 'owned'. Gave Kudos to Aviva for bringing 'Janner' back into circulation, found that some people believed 'Proactive' was a Lucozade sports drink. Moaned about equal rights for Men when it comes to divorce and got pissed off with emmets at Eden - It's a Rainforest Biome, so yes, it's HOT!!!

FINALLY got rid of the fucking Audi, then got pissed off with Insurance companies.Watched  "The Grim adventures of Billy & Mandy" on CN Too, where there's a character called Uncle 'Chokey' who runs a 'chicken' Farm..... How the hell do Kids cartoons get away with that! Found it amusing that when there was NO WRONG ANSWER, people STILL talked SHIT so as to take (what they perceived to be) the high-ground. Reviewed a book on Amazon (which was then removed!), wondered if the C who claimed to be a S would become a V or P..... Got rather upset over a parking ticket, finally saw some common sense at work and....... Heather McCartney's plastic leg!!

Got the parking ticket ripped up. Spent a few days in court, where I met the 2nd most beatiful woman in the world - my pizza girl! I got a stalker on Facebook and found Stevie Wonder on Twitter. One of my nominations made it on to one of my favourite blogs and I reposted my (now updated) Postman Pat theme.

Became increasingly frustrated with Horror films being watered down for the 'teen' market. Started my long running (& still continuing) battle with the fuckwits upstairs over water leaking into my flat. Started the whole 'angel on one shoulder devil on the other' dilema over the purchase of an Xbox. Worried that my age and cynicism towards manufactured pop was affecting my judgement & opinion......... but, my daughter said Lloyd was shit, so I'm still okay....... My faith was restored in the Horror genre by Antichrist, I became a PPE Offender and....You're (were)once...., (then)twice...., (now) three times a fuck up! .........

The devil won.....No matter how much grease I put on them, my balls stuck to the baking tray and then ripped apart when I tried to get them off. I celebrated Monkey Day, got pissed off with Argos and got high on bleach. Woke up xmas morning not feeling particularly festive, but then put on Sky News to see Pope being floored. Couldn't work out wether it was okay to laugh at someone trying to blow up a plane with their pants and I gave a Public Service announcement:
People of Lanson: A Supermarket is where you go to do your shopping, not to meet up with friends for a chat. Before you go, write a fucking list! Don't wander around like a mental patient in a psych hospital. If you have kids - don't fucking bring them, unless you can control them..... and don't PUT YOUR SHOPPING IN MY FUCKING TROLLEY!!

I know..... I need to get out more.....


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